His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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