you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
