By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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