After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
