At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
time to smoke my breakfast
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
