It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
