Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
