that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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