im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
