covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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