i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
