dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
