Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
