Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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