Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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