how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
