if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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