some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
