Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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