I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sober January is a disaster.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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