Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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