just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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