I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
