I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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