My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
