Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
