careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
