sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
