i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
