I feel like I'm in dance class right now
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
