i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
