She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
