I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
