My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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