Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
