Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
