Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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