through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
