Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
