I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
