How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
