afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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