dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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