well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
