is your mom at the bar?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
