i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
