Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
