We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
