me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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