I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
