i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
