I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
3 2 1 whiskey
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
