i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
