girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
