I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
